I found a fursuit site :D I am contacting the artist to check on prices and such :D WHOOOOOT

Well boyfriend is still an ass. He can't just say "Sorry girlfriend" and let it all go and love me. Now we are NOT talking at all until he acts like he loves me or wants to be with me.

Why can't people just admit they are wrong and do nothing but give love?

I keep trying to talk to him but he keeps just turning the tables saying I am never there for him. . . when I was..but he just took it as me yelling.

When I was at his house last he hurt my feelings so bad... but now I am "not there for him" when I am still heart broken over what he did to me.

But he doesn't love me that much! :O how could I forget! I am supposed to never be sad and always at his beck and call when I make him mad/sad because its all I ever do, right? Hell its not my damn fault that I am depressed to the edge and make him sad....I'm so sad that I am scared of myself x_x But thats why my puppy has been oober nice and loving to me...WE CUDDLED! and played while swimming :D It made me feel so much better that she took time out of her life and got over her stubbornness to give me extra love. She is very stand offish but now she is cuddliy and kissy and full of playfull and sweet love :D OHHHHH I just want to eat her face!


I want to start smoking - maybe it will help my saddness.... or give me some feeling of good now and then and help my stress....
because we all know i haven't had my period for two months now because of stress.... smoking sounds like a good idea.
I should go buy some now :O my mom was happy with it ... the habbit (I love habbits :D good and bad the repetive act makes me happy) and the nicotine is calming....

Why not?!

they get all the fun adventures. Monsters and awesome weapons.....

all i get are made up adventures that people make fun of anyway.

I also want to go on the race track again. Go Karts are fun...but it would help if I had friends to go with. And the people I do hang out with don't get along. so poo.

I have two journals now :D one for typing and one for drawing.
http://www.unowen.net/tegaki/about.php?u=32830

I will draw a lot there when I get a chance.... to get out my emotions and feelings.. . drawing is a major stress reliever for me.

Maybe I'll meet some fur friends too? :P Still looking.


oh

why are 80's cartoons so damn rad? I love them.

My boyfriend is an ass hole.
But any of my friends could tell you that.

My life has three major things wrong in it right now. Three things that would make anyone burst out in tears.

My friends cancer is back..and she is to scared to tell me....because she knows how upset I am.
I love her so much and I am going to spend lots of time with her becasue she needs love now more than before even. I am so scared for her...the doctors said if it came back her life would be in so much more trouble because of how hard it is to make it go away again without killing her body inside out.

The second, my best friend has just ruined her life...because she chose her boyfriend over me. That hurt me so bad. I love her so much. She was my first kiss, my date for prom and the one person who knows how to make me happy and make me laugh. While she was here and when she was at the street dance with me (an event we have had together for over a decade now) and not talking to her boyfriend on the phone she listened to me, held me while my boyfriend ditched me and made me look bad and feel like shit. and she danced with me... one of my favorite things ever!
She gave me a deep passionate kiss during one of the songs...and we both knew it was my last. She chose her life, and it has nothing to do with me because of her 15 year old boyfriend. I miss her so bad, and my friend Cambie just bad mouths about how unfun she is and how preppy she is...
while my boyfriend hates how I act around her and how our love is purely based on memories we will never have again and once in a few year meetings that we both cherish with our lives. I love kayla...she is my sister and a girl that I love with my whole body...yet I love my boyfriend more.

he is just a fucking dick - he doesn't understand that i KNOW i will never be able to love her like I used to and give her happiness that only I could give her. He doesn't see that I DON"T TALK TO HER anymore. I DON"T HANG OUT WITH HER OR DRIVE TO SEE HER. I would, but I don't.


the third problem is one I will not even dare to mention online least someone finds out.
-Its down to a few days wait to see if its true -


I dont want to even talk to him now...he only yells at me while right now i am so broken and depressed that i am very close to calling in at work and staying home all day and sitting in the bath tub while it fills with tears.

Lets start from the begining.

-Me, my Dragon and my friend Cambie went to a nearby city that is only an hour away - shopping shopping - blah blah ate at Subway and went home.
On the way home this guy came up behind us (we had a 2002 chevy pickup truck) and he was in a small black EXPENSIVE BMW . . . ON his cell phone. -_- That always makes me sad.

So we are going 70 on the 65 mile area (we had to get home x.x DEMO DURBY!!!) and this guy passes us like we are going 20mph.

WTF - So we decided to be road bitches, I sped up and got in front of him (this is a two lane freeway and i was being SUPER careful) so I am in front of him and i get up to a truck in the other lane that is going the speed limit so we go the same speed so MR. Speedy BMW has to go....SLOW! OMG 65!

He gets pissed and in time we go faster and he passes us, goes in front of me and BRAKES! On a freeway for god sakes. I could have gotten into an accident, the worse thing I did to him was make him drive slower because it had only two lanes, i NEVER touched my breaks and i didn't SPEED that much, i only hit 75 max.

So whatever, i was ok and so were everyone else. But no more than a half hour later i was still driving 70 and a state trooper gets on my but and turns the lights on. I am freaking out that i was speeding so i pulled over asap like im supposed to. Also the trucks tags expire that month so we were waiting to get asked aobut them.
Nothing. he passed us. :D my heart was racing but we were ok!

We lost sight of the cop and later...HE PULLED OVER THE SPEEDING BMW!!!!!!! :D SWEET IRONY AND JUSTICE.

Then when we got to the city that is 30 miles from where I live the weather just...WHAM changed. We turned on the radio and in my home area there was a severe thunderstorm warning in issue and it was bad. D:

I am scared of really bad storms - when i was 11/12 i was at my grandma's during a touchdown tornado in the city 30 miles away where my horse was in the stables. I was so scared, there was so much distruction and trees down .. and the noise.... i just curled up in my towel and sat by my grandma and slept on the floor next to my grandpa. (he died that summer_ just for info..not sympathy)

but we booked it home, just ahead of the worst of the storm that was heading toward my house. We got to my house, checked on my mom and we drove to my Boyfriends house (dragon) - i was in the back of the cab crying and biting my lip (that hurts really bad) while boyfriend held my hand and the storm caught us, we got a taste of the bad wind and rain...oh it was sooooo scary!

needless to say they postponed the Demo Durby and the fair.
( i got to see it :D)


Some images I made on my tablet :O
I may sell these for commisions later when i get good

(A quiz made by someone on Sheezy art, seems like fun :D)


[MechMario]

QUIZ BY MECHMARIO77

Name 2 of your OC’s you use now.
1) Zackery J. Cactus
2) David Lee Pepsi

What are they?
Zackery is a half plant half human thing :D His mother was a rose
David is a college student.. . doesn't that make him an animal?

Is there anything special about them?
Zackery is very tan with neon green hair and bright blue eyes.
David has a huge nose and curly long tan bangs with short brown hair (its odd)

Date Created?
Zackery's birthday is Oct. 17 but he has been my imaginary friend since I was little.
David was made when I started college so ... a year now (fall 2007)

Is there another person they’re in love with?
David love's Orange but Josh love's David :O and Liz loves Brandon
Zackery loves his best friend Cactus (and he has a crush on my were-rabbit W)

favorite things to do?- like hobbies
David loves to play guitar and watch movies. He wants to write scores for plays and movies.
Zack loves to play with his cactus, go on adventures, bug me at work, and play with W.

Major events in life?
When David found out that a GUY had a huge crush on him. . . oh and almost being killed by said boy.
. . . getting a baby cactus :D


Name something you hate.
David hates Brandon and Josh and waiting and long lists.
Zackery hates.... cussing and jerks >:[

ok, now name something you Like.
David likes to be a lazy ass :D
Zackery loves everyone

Are you a virgin? married? have children?
David - no, no, no
Zack - yes, no, yes (ha ha ha get it? no JK)

Who do you trust?
David trusts only himself
Zack trusts.... cactus and sometimes Brandon

Is there anything you would change?
Zack: "I would rather have a goati and a mustache."
David: "I want a girlfriend."

what if you had your heart broken
David: "You mean what did I DO? Well, I didn't do what Josh did and try to kill me. I guess I just played sad songs and sat around a bit. What else would you do?"

Zack: "Who would break my heart?! Seriously."


Lastly- what was the last gift given to you, and what was it for
David: "Ice cream, and it was for eating."
Zackery: "Well, I got a bucket of clams for winning the war!"

What'd you do if a rabid dog was outside your door?
Both: "Let Liz in!"

What would you do in a cat fight?
Zack: "NO FIGHTING OMG!" >:[
David: "It wouldn't be me, but I know I would be watching."

You have a tail. What do you do?
David: "I would cry."

Zackery: "I would go fishing with my tail, and I would wag it and dance and put a bell on it and bows and I would name it and......"

-_- thats enough of that :D

Hope you enjoyed. I love my characters so much.
Zackery and W and David and Cactus are all my imaginary friends and we all have fun and hang out together all the time. Brandon is my boyfriend :D

I found this online and laughed my ass off :D

One of my (total homophobic) bosses told me that one of our crew asked him truthfully if he was Bisexual.
We spent the whole night laughing and trying to figure out if he was hitting on him or is just a dumbass.

XD Oh I love to make fun of my boss Riley, he is a dumbass.

Boyfriend was missing ALL day yesterday. I was freaking out because that never happens. I thought we would spend the night chatting or even finding a new game like the flyff game but better x_x i;ve been looking but he knows all the good games.

Well he got online late - after i had given up on talking to him at all and while watching sad music video's.
=my mood went from hopeful to depressed.

Who the hell cares - when am I happy these days?
So i went to bed when he said he was tired.

next day i woke up, did nothing and called him a bunch of times and waiting for him online. - Sad still for not even knowing if he is home...

but he does get online and gives me a link to a journal of all he did yesturday...

He went to and old friend of mine's grad party. That I was not invited too, and even ASKED him when it was. We used to be friends until I had a fight with this one chick and then EVERYONE hates me who i used to hang out with. I honestly thought he was a friend until at the Graduation After Party at school I sat next to him and he told me that he didn't want me there. Yeah.
Fuck them all. . . They are way too.....I want to say hyper rather than immature. Because i act like a 5 year old but I only do it to make those around me happy.

Boyfriend said I treated him like crap because I wanted to talk to him but I was too sad...and he wanted to talk and I didnt want to hear about the party.

The last party i was invited to was my "friends" but all I did was help her set up as she bossed me around and never once said please or thankyou. SO MUCH FUN! We left early becasue of the drinking.

Oh and the other grad party I was invited too..... i couldnt go. I had a benifit dinner to attend.
Because of my "friend" she didn't give me more than 20 mins to go see my old college friends because she is more important because "She had cancer'
HAD
Its gone.
Shes fine.
but nooo. She still needs the special treatment.
SHE is still the life of every party.
and I am dragged around with her to stuff that i know NO ONE and usually just end up sitting bymyself waiting for my friend to be done.
But what else am I going to do?
Sit at home and do nothing...ive been doing that my whole life!
I have no one else to hang out with.

Boyfriend and my mom dont get along so he can't be over hardly at all. He has the nerve to talk back to her and be rude! -_- thats a great thing when I still live in her house and live by her rules.
Its not like I don't suck up to his mom all the time. . .

I don't know.
I'm hurt that my boyfriend can go out to a party and have fun.
Im sad that I can't even go with him.
and im more depressed that i didn't go to any grad parties...and no one came to mine
and also my boyfriend walked out on MY grad party and left me to cry alone and fight all night.


He told me going to his friends house is the same as me flirting with my boss at work.
-_- i don't see a connection.
I will never see these people outside of work.
I will never to go Tony's house just to hang out....and DEFFINATLY not riley.
But its ok for him to go and Cuddle with a girl who's been his friend his whole life...
because that means that they won't do anything.


I have no friends except online, they are good enough for me but not all the time. I want to hang out with someone and do stuff outside of work and the town...and with someone who isn't a total whore drunk and baby.

-_-

Jealous , yes.
sad, totally.
my day off...ruined.

and its not like my boyfriend will ever read this ...so FUCK HIM.
I can't even say I had a grad party....
I sat with my chickens and did NOTHING because no one showed up except neighbors and my parents friends. . . that was it.
fun.

I'm going to go do nothing in the bath now.

Spent my morning at work.
10-4. A nice six hour shift but OMG EARLY XD I am used to starting work from 2pm to later and working all night.
But my store manager was theree and He was always good for making the day good, and so was my other manager Riley who is always good for a laugh.

Today was different with him, he was almost scary - when i got there he was PISSED and would not look me in the eye. Something was wrong...but i couldnt get it otut of him. So i did him a lot of little favors like getting him a drink and bringing it back to him, getting the papers he needed and setting them in a neat pile. Well last night i sent him a few texts that said "Want to go shopping?" and "Need anything from the store" because at first when we got his cell from a firend of his he had NO idea who was texting him and i kept asking him from my cell "Want anything from the store?" and he freaked out. :D so now thats what i send him when i have a cell phone handy.
But then i also left him a message on his phone asking him what he was doing the 4th of july (sorta like how you would ask someone on a date) because me, cambie, nick, and ed close with him and lets just that that mix of people, he will go INSANE! :D we are all people who get under his skin.
---i thought he was mad because of all those texts and stuff..but after a while he started joking with me so i grabbed his shirt and asked him what the hell was going on that he was so mad. He was just 'concentrating' on work and wasn't mad.

so i teased him while working, and he and i teased some of the girls, we all had a good laugh. but i was still tired...so i didn't have as much fun as anyone else...i was counting down the minutes to go home.

when i did go home i called Dragon asap. nothing. Whatever :P forgot to charge his phone....
called an hour later, then two hours later and then me and mom went out to eat (mmm fish) and when i got home called him right away after checking my caller id. nothing - though he did call at 1 - he didn't leave a message telling me where he was.
I was a little worried :/ my boyfriend seemed to have fallen off the earth, even my mom was a little worried and told me to call a few times to see if he was just being lazy or something ...

but when i DO get a hold of him i am sad, tired and lonely. he was at a party. :( Thoughts went in my mind that made me even sadder....
but i found a good flash that i watched about three times - a sad love story
made me even more sad.

GAH THE SAD!

---Chowder News!
(Chowder = Shadow the Newfoundland with the broken knee)
On his new pain meds' he is just as active as before, going upstairs, down stairs, romping, barking, putting weight on his foot and everything! -_- his spirit will never let him slow down no matter how much it hurts...
I love my dog.
no lie, he is strong than ANYONE i have ever met.

Working on drawing anthro's
Dogs and

- I was asked to paint something(s) for a local coffee shop.
I was considering doing some oil on canvas of dogs. . . I may just do it for myself though :D
I do have one dog i did in my painting class...and its none to shabby :D but its mine and i won't let it go.

I don't know what breeds though I may make a pair for my family of Duke and Duchess(rest in peace my puppy) my grandmothers dogs.
One of my dog Bella and perhaps one of shadow and the rat (chihuahua named Pebbles)

then a few breeds for the Coffee shop.
Lab - German Shepherd - Huskey - retreiver - i'unno.

Starting from the beginning -

Boyfriend came over and woke me up at 8(ish) and mother had left for work at 730.
But from the time my mother let out our big Newfoundland/retreiver mix he some how snapped a tendon in his knee..though at the time he was limping and I had no idea what was wrong. - So we called the vet and got an appointment for him at 130pm

Now, we had hours to waste and both me and boyfriend had errands to run in town, so we got a sub from subway (hell I work at mcdonalds and eat at subway :P sue me) and we did our few chores. But it was getting close to noon and the vet is a lengthy drive away so i dropped boyfriend off so he could do some legal crap at the court house and i told him to walk those few blocks back to my house while i cleaned out my car so Shadow (the injured dog) could ride in the back of my station wagon.

Well, while waiting for boyfriend and in the middle of my cleaning i hear police sirens, no big woof in my small town. But they were getting closer and i am a curious pup and i saw the most intresting thing...
A POLICE CHASE. Now I live in a town with a pop of 1400 (or more :/ who cares?) and this is the coolest thing i have seen in my whole life of living here.
I didn't get to see who they were chasing but it was someone on a motorcycle in a white shirt.
I laughed but didn't think to much of it until they passed the block in front of me, went around the back of my block and down my street a few blocks over. I was amazing!
-So i called my mom to tell her the funny story when he went down right in front of my house! Its an old fat guy on a scooter, not even a motorcycle. But when boyfriend came home we sat on my front lawn and the fat guy drove on our sidewalk not but a few feet from us! It was amazing.

But after that whole thing was done we got my limping dog to the car and went to the vet.
-Bigger breeds of dogs can easially get hip displaysia and they told me that the uninjured leg was in very bad shape, that the hip was almost deteriorated.
Yet this is the dog that is 7 and jumps, runs, barks and plays like a one year old puppy. he's never shown any pain or suffering while he romps around! We have one strong dog.
But with his knee he will be on pain medication for the rest of his life and the surgery he could have gotten for it can't be done because of his hip.

:(

but he is still running around with a limp! -_- i swear that dog will out live me.

D:

I could start my search on Gaiaonline.com for some fur friends . . .

I joined Furaffinity but my scanner and computer are down so I won't be able to put any images up. D:

Or just take pictures of them - - -but who wants to see that?! XD

-_0 I have also been looking for communities that might help me find friends :D and i found some people doing commision icons and :D it looks fun! (since it will be a while until i get my computer art back online :/)

*insert freak out here*
I LOVE SPONGEBOB! XD and I don't know why :D but I do.


>:C I want some fuzzy friends!
I also want to find a place that I can get my fursuit and start saving for it... I'm not sure how much they are ^^;

0-0 but who would read my journal?

I was having a great day!

Woke up early - began drawing an awesome picture for my art shop on Gaiaonline.com
and I love it :D

But the day wore on and work was fun -- until I found out the truth about something horrible that makes my self esteem drop from -1 to -1,000,000

but i got home and got yelled at! YAY!
Why? I didn't call mom when I left the party with alchohol and went to my boyfriends to play Magic the Gathering.


---
i was also asked a serious question from my boyfriend about this girl that EVERYONE loves - except me.
He asked me why I hate her....
Why?
Because she is beautiful, smart and everyone wants her - and she lets all the unpretty girls know.
She can make the most wonderful baked goods! EVERYONE wants her to make them a cookie! . . . and they talk about it for days even if they get one. Yet XD my cooking is all from reciepes passed down from generations and since i was a little girl i have made my muffins into a thing fit for the gods. (the greek ones) No lie, they are good. But when I made some NO ONE touched them because she brought some too...this was a school event thingy...
Oh she is smart, she used to flaunt it and not know all the time. She always acted like she sat in a higher chair and is always so much more mature than everyone. Effing stick up her ass is the problem!
Jealous?
Yes.
Because she IS better than me. And she loves to let me know.
----
ok done with that.


I had a dream, it was so odd. Someone was hurt and I had to lock the dogs in the kitchen so the ambulance could get the hurt person out without being pumbled by my dogs. Well, there was a border collie in with my three dogs and he kept sniffing our little chihuahua, so i took her and put her in a differnt room and the collie started sniffing me. . . and i loved it! He was a big butch dog and it turned me on :D he was sexy.

-_- I also have an odd attraction to German Shephards too. They are beautiful. :P

Speaking of which i need to draw a ref. of my fur patterns because i want to look into getting a GOOD fur suit and wearing it to fur conventions, around the area shops :P and for fun and parties!

My other problem is I have no friends who are furries. . . just my dragon boyfriend and my parrot friend from Chicago . I want some more friends to share in the real furry culture. I am just a lone Wolf-dog :( and I don't know where to begin my search.

MORNING:
I woke up next to my boyfriend - we resolved our issues and made promises and actually seemed to have bonded closer than before. He promised me to get his hard card back asap and get a job and keep it for a long period of time. If he does that and keeps that job for at least a full year I will really start bugging him about getting me a ring . . . *glows inside* I love waking up next to him in his arms, i feel safe and beautiful.

though the other day he said something that broke my heart...but he didnt know! I gained weight from being so stressed that all i do is work and sit at home.....i haven't exersized in too long. So I got a few inches on my belly and the shitty thing about my family is that our skin does not streach :( needless to say i have horrible new stretch marks that are really red (and hurt) but he asked "Whats that on your belly?" thinking i hurt myself again...
He didn't know, but it really knocked my self esteem down... and since then i still can't stop thinking about it and feeling like shit. They will never go away . . . thats what hurts. When i was 8 i was over weight and some guy asked me if i was pregnant....... -_- i hate two peices for that reason.

THE AFTERNOON:
Boyfriend, me and Cambie went to get her tattoo (mine is the sex!) - her's is a Support/ Awareness Ribbon of Lymphoma - Neon green, and it says Survivor on it and 2008 because she recently finished her last chemo and came home. That was so much fun, we went to Walmart and watched me learn to walk in flipflops x_x very difficult! and just had a genuine blast! No fighting no nothing.
Then we went to a friends McDonalds because he moved from our store and we all totally flirted with him and had some free icecream - but the guys who were on grill kept checking us out so me and Cambie felt hot. And I don't feel that often. On the way home , I drove and boyfriend took backseat behind me and held me the whole way home. I was so happy I felt so comfortable and safe...I could not have wanted more.

THE NIGHT:
Worked a 6-1:30 shift
It was effing hell. We had to little people and too many effing customers .... we also had too many things go wrong. I handed out wrong food, I messed up on drinks, and I wasnt even tired! I usually do great when i sleep good....but i messed up so much. The bitch redhead boss was working and chewed me out really bad because we had a few sandwhiches left that got handed out wrong and one of them WASN"T my fault...but i take full responsablility of all my mistakes....thats why they love me.... but she had no right to shout at me in front of customers and treat me like crap. My other nice boss Ashlee mearly told me to be careful and said she would help me becuase it was hard doing it by MYSELF and told me to appologize to the customers if they came back with the complaint. I have no problem with that becuase i acctually like talking to the people, and if it was my bad I'll tell them and make sure they are happy when they leave. I take care of my customers....
But i had some today that I was rude too and walked away.
-_- I told ashlee that i had to leave because i was ready to start effing crying.
A group of boys and a slut - Me and Cambie partied with them a few times. We partied with them at her benifit dinner . . . after dinner we went out and had a little too much fun.... and I don't remember a thing.
but i know something happened
they teased me
and even the skank said something.
I dropped one of their change because i was shaking so bad and they all busrt into laughter
"There she goes again!"
Even the skanks all like "How are YOU doing tonight?" with a huge smirk and a stuck up nose filled with everyones cum.

I sat in the back and just shook until my body was fed up with it....
Nick was so sweet to me, he is a few years yonger but the sweetest boy i know... he is like an older brother, He is always mellow and calm, i have never seen him hyper or wild...yet he is the most punk/rock i know in a person. He listens to all the right goth rock and owns the best CD's when we have a working CD player at work.
He loved me. Not like a lover....but like a brother. He hugged me and told me it was ok, he also said i was beautiful in his own way...i could not have asked for more.
He also promised to pick me up in the morning to have fun, "Nick" style :D I am so excited.

I got a huge gash on my wrist from a peice of the grill (the spatula holder)
and I liked it.

I talked to my boyfriend last night after my party.... i think we broke up.


At my birthday party he just showed up = he hadn't called me for three days before he came over so i didn't even think he would come. He showed up dressed like a guy who just got off of work from Tech Support. It was the sexiest thing i have ever seen. I loved it, he also came with no gift, and one card...a hand made card - it was the best gift i got! :D

Well the night was going good after we left McDonalds (where the cake was at) and went to my house (where the food and pop was) and it was boring....-_- we didn't have time to find party games this year... the whole party was very last minute....like a week ago.

But my boyfriend just sat on a swing while me and the kids played with my baby chickens and turkeys. So when i went over there and said "You gunna get up and play with us" he got mad and walked out of my party . . . he was gone for a half hour and came back expecting me to leave my party and just hang out with him.
Heck even if i wasn't having fun i still had to stay with my guests. -_- Selfish bastard.....I would have given him all night. . . -_- yeah i am sad.

But then we talked for a few hours online and it made me so sad. . . like he doesnt want to get back together with me if we seperate or anything! he just doesnt care. :(


-----
But my party was ok, i guess. Some people had fun and others were bored.
I couldn't help it..heck at least i had chickens to watch :D they are so cute.

Honestly, I never belived people when they told me about Limberger cheese. My ag teacher told me about how its the best tasting cheese in the world if you know how to eat it.

Well..me and my dog Bella LOVE cheese, and tried it. As I opened the bag I began to gag....and I even put some in my mouth....

-it tastes like
*Ass, sweaty feet, horse crap, dead squirrel, horrible things that smell horrible.....

Oh god...the smell was on my hand and I itched my nose so I can't get the smell away from me.


Bella loved it. What a shocker!

----

Well I called my boyfriend earlier today and asked if he wanted to play online with me, he flat out said he didnt and that he would call me back. Well I worked a 7 hour shift, ate dinner and played pinball for an hour and he never called...so when I did call him he told me that He hates talking on the phone...what ever. I told him I would talk to him when he came over for my birthday party then and not until.

I LOVE roleplaying so much, fantasy and western...and me and Dragon used to do it all the time (dragon = boyfriend) but now he says he can't think. So I haven't role played in over a year...and my hands smell worse than a hot sweaty ass. At least my blue cheese is untainted and still blue :D Its my favorite of all the cheeses.

I just wish my boyfriend would do the things he used to with me... we still go for walks and he treats me like a puppy when I am having a REALLY bad day and just need cuddles, biting and barking at everything that moves. Damn poodle in me!

Yes: I am one of those child freaks that grew up wishing/thinking she was a dog. My breed is a mutt :P based on where my family comes from and the dog types I have grown up with.

North American Brown Wolf-I have a lot of native american blood in my veins...my grandma used to call me her little wolf.
German Shepherd - before I was born my family began an adouption of lost sheperds and raised so many, my grandmas farm house still has the teeth marks on the stair railing.
Poodle - My greatgrandmother got that for me.... she was very tied to those old fashion hunting ones.
Yellow Lab - I have never been alive without a lab in the family.... I have lived with them and they are all i know. I was raised by a lab...

--In Loving Memory of Duchess.
She was my sister, playing with me and teaching me how to walk on ice.
She was my mother and licked my wounds and taught me how to face my fears.
She was my grandmother and taught me about the animals in my backyard.
She died as she lived, at home being spoiled and very fat.

-Cancer
She lived a long 9 years...she was my grandfathers baby girl...and she took a part of him with her...but I hold both of them in my memory.

*And Duke, her brother, still holds onto life but the light fading from his eyes... His spark is fading but he is fighting sorrow of losing his father and now his sister...the two closest in his life.


Also Props to my bella for eating the worlds most stinky cheese and living...but daaaaaamn am I gunna suffer from those poots she will aim at me. x_x

Small Engine Repair Ninja.

I don't even know where that came from but spending time with my mother and drinking too much coffee can really do that to a girl. Not that I drink to get away from the "real world" but to wake myself from the dreams that I would rather stay in.

Like dreams of a boyfriend who has a job, isn't such a bitch and roleplays with me a tad more.
Dreams of my imaginary friends W the rabbit, Zackery the Mexican and Cactus are all real and here to make my life fun and interesting.

Instead I wake up to a house that has limited love in small pockets, tight money issues, and no time for eachother. I then go to work where I live 8 hours a day 6 days a week, never knowing what shift I will work tomorrow or if I will stay late or go home early...or who's day will be so bad that they will shout at me.

Or the rest of my family yelling at me and giving me crap that I never have time for them :D Isn't life such fun?

But today on my mother and my random trip to the cities to get a Mac book for my grad present and 18th birthday gift - We were teasing each other about me moving out now that I graduated and it started like this...or something

Mom: Oh look at this Towel! It would be wonderful for your new appartment when you move out now that your done with highschool.
Me: You just added another 5 years of making me dinner mom! I ain't leaving!

-Women start laughting.

That was our goal for the day to make people laugh....we would go out of our way to hold open the door for others, to help them with heavy stuff.
-I am such a wonderful person :D lol but really, I have no idea where I am going with this....and I am not going to reread all my rant from above.

erhrm.....

well my puppy is cuddling my fat thigh and she usually sits on the other couch so I am going to take full advantage of her love .
Bella is a mutt with a long painful story of death, betrayal and anger.
Her human parents threw her birth giving mother in a snow bank to kill them all, Bella was the only pup that lived. Then my mother and I took her in and I fell in love instantly, and as she got bigger and my fingers got more chewed up I loved her to death! But she wasn't my puppy...so my mothers friend took her to two little girls who also loved her....but :D they had to move to a small house and Bella is the most HIGH matenince dog in the whole world.


AHHHH!!! I need to stop typing. :D I haven't ranted in a while.

-Liz

(ps to lazy to spell check :D)